Moonsong
by Mei-Mei the SciFi Junkie
Summary: A Yue fic. Sakura is dying and Yue makes a difficult choice: he's going to leave forever. Can Keroberos change his mind?


Moonsong

By Mei-Mei

Disclaimer: I DON'T BLOODY OWN CCS!  AND UNTIL THAT DAY COMES, CLAMP DOES!!  (Ha ha, just kidding.  Well, not about CLAMP owning CCS, but, well, never mind.)

A/N: I was just thinking it would really suck to be Yue, because you would have to keep watching all your masters die, but you'd have to keep living.  That would get to be a sad existence.  So, anyways, I just wrote this short fic based on my musings.  Please R+R, and my other stories too!  Oh, and please excuse my use of "Kero" when referring to Keroberos.  His name is too long for lazy people like me.

            *            *            *

It was almost time.  He could tell.  It was different than with Clow, yet he still knew.  Maybe it was something in her eyes.

            She never left her bed anymore.  Her husband, children, even her childhood friends, catered to her every need.  Her room was made cheerful: vases of flowers, large sunny windows, pink curtains and wallpaper.  She was seldom alone.  Visitors swarmed to the beautiful old Tudor house, which Eriol had left her when he returned to England.  Everyone loved the Cherry Blossom; they always had.  

            She was alone now, though, in a land of dreams, not to be disturbed.  Well, not really alone, he was there too.  Which he was glad of.  So he stood there beside the large, cherry-wood bed, cherishing the moment, looking down upon her face, so peaceful in sleep.  Her hair, strands of grey mixed in with the honey brown, littered the pillow.  A small beam of light shone through a crack in the curtained windows above her head, illuminating her face and bathing her features in a gentle glow.  He held her hand tight.  Only a few more days.  It was too soon…

            He couldn't do this again.  Another death, more pain.  The first time was bad enough, but to loose his Mistress now…he had come to love her as much as he had loved Clow.

            In his other hand he clutched a blue envelope.  He fumbled with it as he pushed a lock of silver hair back out of his face.  A strange choking feeling grasped him, and his vision started to blur.  He turned his face away from his beloved Mistress.  As unfamiliar as the sensation was, he knew…he was crying.

            Quickly, he laid the envelope on the pillow beside her head.  Now he had done what he had come for.  Dropping her hand, he turned and fled.

*                                  *                                  *

            "More tea, Sakura-san?"  Tomoyo smiled brightly as she swept open the door, teacup and saucer in hand. 

            Sakura was sitting up in the bed, propped up with pillows.  Keroberos, in his true form, lay calmly on the bed at her feet.  She smiled warmly back at her best friend.  "Arigatou, Tomoyo-san," she replied, taking the tea from Tomoyo.  She glanced at Keroberos.  "And I think Keroberos would like some dessert!"

            Tomoyo was busy throwing open the curtains, and the room flooded with the afternoon sun.  She laughed as Kero's ears pricked up at the word 'dessert'.  "And how is that different from usual?" She patted his head affectionately, ignoring his miffed look, and turned to leave.  "I'll see what I can find."  But just as she reached the door, she turned around again.  "Oh, Sakura, someone left a letter on your pillow.  I put it on your bedside table there."

            Sakura nodded, and replaced the teacup she had been sipping in its saucer.  "Thank you, Tomoyo."

            With one last smile and bow, Tomoyo slipped out the door, closing it behind her. 

            Sakura looked to the table at her left elbow.  There was indeed a blue envelope, slightly crumpled, sitting there.  "Hmmmm…"  She picked up the envelope and put down the teacup in its place.  

Keroberos stared interestedly as Sakura turned it over in her hands.  "Well?"

Her expression remained perplexed as she pulled out the letter.  "It's from Yue."

"Yue?"  His previously relaxed posture had instantly changed to alertness, betraying his surprise.

"Yes, now just hush a minute so I can read it," she replied, half-indignant, half-teasing.

He laid his head back down on his paws, but not before looking sufficiently irked.

Still half-smiling at Keroberos, Sakura returned her attention to the thin, yellowed paper and began to read the dark ink scrawled on it.

Mistress,

         Perhaps this was not the best way to do this, but it is the only way I could.  There are some things you must know before you leave this earth forever, and I do not have the strength to tell you in person.

         I am leaving.  I do not know where I am going; anywhere but here.  I will not return to the Sakura Book.  I have decided that I cannot live this life-that-is-not-a-life anymore.  I am too much human and too much guardian-spirit.  No longer can I keep these in balance.  So I wish you happiness, and I hope you will wish me the same.  Good-bye, Sakura.

Yue  

She lowered the letter to her lap.  "Kero…"

He looked at her expectantly.  Her eyes were no longer on the letter; her head was raised level, and she stared at some distant point far beyond the wall of the room.  "What's wrong?" he growled.

"Find him.  Now."

*                                  *                                  *

The sun was already nearly set as Keroberos entered the garden.  "Yue?" he called, his deep voice hesitant.  This was the last place he could think to look.  If Yue was not here…

But Kero was rewarded with a rustling in the shadows near the koi pond.  He padded through the ornamental trees in that direction.  "Yue?" he repeated.  "Come out.  I've been looking everywhere for you."  Peering ahead, he spotted the moon guardian, sitting on a rock at the pond's edge with his back to Kero.  "Sakura sent me to find you."  He took three huge bounds toward him, then stopped abruptly a few feet away.  "Yue?"

Something was wrong.  The moon guardian sat expressionless and unmoving, staring at the clear water without seeing.  Kero could practically feel the emotional and mental wall he had raised around himself.  He tried to break through: "Yue, what's the matter?  Why is Sakura worried about you?"  His paw hovered above the ground, ready to take a step forward but hesitating.

If Yue heard the questions, he made no sign.  Keroberos's irritation finally overcame him.  Enough was enough.  A thunderous roar crashed through the peaceful garden.  "_Answer me, Yue_!"

Seconds ticked by as everything was still in the storm's aftermath.  Then, "You never did have a knack for secrecy, Keroberos," Yue sighed, wheeling slowly to face the giant golden lion.  His face was half concealed in the shadows of the dusk.  "I expect you've woken half the neighborhood now."

Relief flooded Kero.  He _was_ okay.  "Yue, Sakura wants to talk with you."

But again, Yue seemed to not hear.  He gazed absorbedly at the trees and flowers that surrounded him.  "Isn't it beautiful here?  Clow always loved this garden.  I don't suppose Sakura ever knew about it."

Kero quashed the annoyance that rose in him again and tried to play along.  "So why did you decide to come here now?"  

            The moon guardian's gaze focused on Kero.  "To say good-bye," he replied in the same even tone.

            Kero took an involuntary step backwards.  "Say good-bye?  But, where are you going?  What are you _talking_ about?"

            Yue looked away.  "I'm talking about leaving.  I'm going away and I'm not coming back."

            "But, Yue, _why_?"

            Yue's head jerked back to face him, and Kero could see that his eyes were filled with, with _tears_ of all things.  Kero's head swam with confusion.  _What is going on?_

            "Don't you see, Keroberos?  Don't you see what a cursed half-life we live?  We can see, hear, smell, feel, suffer, but never die.  And I can't live like that anymore."  His normally icy voice cracked as his emotion spilled out.

            "Where did this come from, Yue?  You can't be serious."  Kero was incredulous.  "What about the Cards?  Someone must protect them.  And what about Sakura?  She needs you, Yue, maybe now more than ever."

            "And what about what _I_ need?" shot back Yue.  "Maybe it's time to do what I want to do.  Maybe if we'd done what I wanted to at the Final Judgment, none of this would have happened!"

            "None of _what_ would have…" Kero broke off as suddenly everything Yue was saying snapped into place.  _Sakura would never have been Mistress and Yue wouldn't have to watch another beloved master leave him behind._

            Yue continued to ramble.  "I tried to not get attached, I told myself this time would be different, but I couldn't help it."  He looked back at Kero.  "Keroberos, I can't go through this again."  His voice was soft once more, but Kero could hear the underlying force.

            Kero sat back on his haunches, reeling with shock, still trying to make sense of what his ears and eyes were telling him.  This was his friend, practically his brother, always cold and serene, but now, so angry, so broken.

            "Yue…" he began.  The other had resumed his previous deathly stillness, trying to compose himself after his outburst.  "Yue, it doesn't have to be like that."

            "Why not?"  Bitterness filled his voice.

            "Because…because that's not how it is!  Yes, Sakura is going to leave us behind.  And yes, it's hard, but that's how life in this world is.  You can't run away from it.  There will be someone else after her, just like she was after Clow.  And Clow was even able to return, wasn't he?  It's not goodbye forever.  Yue, for her sake, come back with me.  If you really care about her, as I know we both do, don't turn your back on her now."  He paused.  "Yue, she _needs_ you…"

            The sky had grown darker since Kero's arrival.  Now he could barely see the glimmering outlines of Yue's robes.  A breeze rustled through the leaves around them, providing the only movement in the garden.  _Please_, thought Kero.  _Please let him see…_

            "I'll come."

            Yue's voice cracked again as it cut through the silence.

            Kero let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.  He reached out to Yue in his mind, offering the mental equivalent of a hug.  To his surprise, Yue squeezed back.

            "Thank you, Keroberos," whispered Yue.

            Slowly, he raised himself from the rock.  And so the tall, silvery moon guardian and the golden beast of the sun walked side by side out of Clow's garden, heading home, and at the same time, into the future.

*            *            *

A/N: Please forgive my flagrant tendency towards writing angst.  I don't really intend to, it just kinda happened.  It's kind of ironic that CCS is all pink and happy, and yet I write angst about it.  Oh, well.  I hope to have some more happy stuff uploaded soon.  Thank you very much for reading my story; and criticism or comment is most welcome, so please review.  Also, any ideas for a title would be happily accepted.  ^_^  Thank you!


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